don’t judge me
There is a massive tension in every relationship that we have. The tension makes itself known in the midst of almost every meaningful conversation. This tension is caused by the active avoidance of offending people. We tiptoe around so many conversations and we tend to avoid speaking truth or correction into the lives of our brothers and sisters because we don't want to upset anyone. Truth hurts, after all. Plus, Christians aren't supposed to judge others, right?
I want to be clear: I don't think that the root of this tension is always unhealthy. In fact, I am willing to bet that the tension exists in most relationships because of sympathy. We don't want to hurt other people's feelings, because we genuinely care about the wellbeing of other people. But I want to have a conversation about this tension: is it always healthy? Maybe a better question would be: does God want this tension to exist?
There are so many things about this topic that I really want to address, but I hate reading long blogs, so I'm not going to write a long blog. I just want to spark some thoughtful conversations between you and the Holy Spirit. I want to see healthy, godly community emerge out of these ideas. I want to see the Church be the Church. So here it goes:
There are very few people in life that love you enough to tell you that you may be going down the wrong path. What’s even more discouraging is that our culture has twisted those loving confrontations into thinking that those people are “judgmental” for the confrontation. Unfortunately now, no one tells the Truth. People are terrified of stepping on other people's toes.
Johari's Window is an incredible tool that allows people to understand internal and external communication. The window is broken up into four quadrants of self-awareness: things known to others and known to self, things known to others but unknown to self, things unknown to others but known to self, and things unknown to others and unknown to self. I want to focus on the second window: things known to others but unknown to self, aka The Blind Spot.
Everyone has blind spots. Everyone. What is so incredible about blind spots is that they require other people to bring its existence to our attention. The existence of blind spots can only be known through other people. A person has to be willing to break the awkward tension and fear of offending you to actually tell you want they see. I firmly believe that it is time for people to begin to break out of their comfort zones, and speak the Truth in love to our brothers and sisters. I also believe that it is time for believers to desire this feedback for themselves, because this feedback can spark immense spiritual growth.
God wants you to be in relationships with other believers that are willing to show you where your blind spots are, and God wants you to receive that corrective feedback with a humble heart.
The "don't judge me" culture that we live in has influenced Christianity in such an unhealthy way. Christians should NEVER judge a nonbeliever, but Christians MUST speak loving Truth into their brothers and sisters in Christ.
If anyone is caught in transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. - Galatians 6:1
The Word of God instructs us to be ready to recognize the transgressions of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and to seek to restore them with a spirit of gentleness. To many people, this action can be easily perceived as judgmental. We have to train our minds to assume the best about other people's intentions. Let's change our thinking.
What if when people correct us, they actually have our best interest in mind?
What if we began to INVITE people to call us to a higher standard when they witness our transgression?
What if we were humble and not defensive?
What if our desire to grow was stronger than our desire to be perfect?
What if we weren't offended?
What if iron actually sharpened iron?
Godly community looks like a body of believers that are in love with Jesus, and walk in love with one another. Godly community consists of people willing and ready to call their brothers and sisters to a higher standard, and invite the Holy Spirit to come in and fix what has been broken.
In all that we do, let's be motivated by love. Let's walk in compassion, just as our Lord does. Let's restore each other with a spirit of gentleness. Let's break the awkward tension and invite these difficult conversations.
This is not judgmental community, this is loving community. WE NEED EACH OTHER.
